Jimmy

Everybody. Continuing the D&D game tonight, we're down a couple members, uh, because they got moving woes to take care of and other things so. 

Blouter

What, he said. Yeah. 

Bjorn

How's everybody doing, boys? 

Blouter

Ready to fucking kick some ass? 

Jimmy

I think I think y'all are done kicking ass, if I remember correctly. 

Blouter

Uh, I think so, too. 

Bjorn

Yeah, we fucked up the whole house. 

Jimmy

Yeah. Um, and then we abruptly ended because people had to skedaddle, so. Yeah. 

Blouter

Yeah, it was like fucking midnight, and I was tired. Gotta go to bed. 

Jimmy

Sparks. 

Speaker E

Light him up. 

Jimmy

Why'd that sound so quiet? 

Dobblebobble

What do you do? 

Blouter

Sporks. Uh oh. Jimmy's lost. 

Jimmy

I was a little lost just because, like, my audio. Just, like, docked really, really low real quick. And I was like, huh? And I don't know what's going on. 

Blouter

So, uh, tonight we're doing the the futuristic crossover, right? I got an invisibility gun. 

Jimmy

You got a what? 

Blouter

An invisibility gun. Oh. 

Speaker E

Oh. 

Jimmy

Uh. So get yourself. 

Dobblebobble

Situated. 

Jimmy

You guys, I don't know what the hell it was. I don't know. We'll see. Everything looks like. I mean, go ahead. And you guys look like you're coming through on my stream and shit, so should be working. Um, you guys killed all the orcs. Um, we're going to say, um, non collapse exhausted after the battle. Assuming you guys threw his ass in the cart. 

Blouter

Damn straight. With a quickness. 

Jimmy

Uh, and. 

Dobblebobble

Free to do so. 

Jimmy

You are free to do so. 

Dobblebobble

I'm gonna just real, real quick. I'm just gonna sell two first level slots to get my four sorcery points back. 

Jimmy

You're going to do what? 

Dobblebobble

I'm going to sell two of. 

Jimmy

It doesn't work that way. 

Dobblebobble

Yeah, it goes both ways. 

Jimmy

Does it? Yeah. That seems a little op. 

Dobblebobble

Double check. Sacrifice spell slots to gain additional sorcery points. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Dobblebobble

Spell slot level. Level one gets me two points. So I casted those two or sacrificed two to get my four back. And then I'm going to take a short rest. If that's cool. 

Jimmy

I don't know. I don't know if that's cool, sir. We'll have to see what the dice say. 

Speaker E

What do you want me to roll? 

Jimmy

It's not your roll. It's mine. Don't worry about it. Oh. Okay? Yeah. You're fine, you're fine. You're fine to take a short rest, I guess. Cool. But you still hear scraping and banging in the cellar. 

Dobblebobble

Oh. That's okay. It's. 

Bjorn

You gotta make it, dude. 

Jimmy

So. Right. Highly unlikely. 

Blouter

I don't know what the fuck Jimmy's doing over there. 

Speaker E

Man. 

Jimmy

Yeah, my dice set up. Sorry. I got too many things to do. 

Speaker E

I just wanted us to. 

Blouter

Not being ready. 

Jimmy

Yeah. That's okay. A little bit of setup can happen on on the stream. 

Speaker F

That's the one. 

Jimmy

Time. What do you guys want to do? Like. We're waiting on Ben. 

Dobblebobble

I'm good. I took my short rest. 

Speaker E

All right. 

Bjorn

That wasn't enough. 

Speaker E

Exactly. 

Jimmy

Every other time, though. You said that, huh? You should still have a map. 

Dobblebobble

I got the map. 

Blouter

Okay, well, I'm gonna go outside and go to the basement door. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Bjorn

My character is going to finish picking up all his weapons he threw into all the dead orcs and loaded. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Speaker G

My little scared pussy. 

Jimmy

So, as you guys, um, reached the cellar door, you see, it's not locked or anything. Um. You swing it open. And this? The cellar has dirt floors, walls of mortar, stone, and an eight foot high plank ceiling, so it's pretty tall for a cellar. Um, tied to a chair is a large figure that is squirming and basically tipped himself over at this point. Um. Shelves along the walls are lined with skulls made of butter and protected by a thin coating of wax. 

Blouter

Skulls made of butter. Yep. 

Jimmy

Butter skull ranch. 

Blouter

Okay, not where I expected that to go. 

Bjorn

Me either. 

Jimmy

As written, sir. 

Blouter

As written. 

Bjorn

Interesting. 

Blouter

All right. Um, when they looked in there. What else? What else was in the room? Yeah. I'm sorry. Ben. Go ahead. 

Dobblebobble

No, I was going to ask. Were you guys able to see when you went down there? What was making that noise? I didn't hear him describe anything that would make a noise. 

Bjorn

Big hail. 

Jimmy

The man. Square his chair, that is. Oh, in the chair. 

Dobblebobble

Sorry. My bad. My bad. 

Blouter

Um, so. Yes, I guess I'm gonna. I'm going to look at the man in the chair, and I'm going to try to assess the man in the chair. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um, you see, he is pretty fucked up. The orcs were pretty good. Um. If you had to guess, you'd say he'd probably really appreciate a heel. And, um. Yeah, he's just kind of bounding the chair. You he he he's a big, intimidating man. Um. Yeah. That's. That's what you get. I snagged, so. 

Bjorn

I stepped toward the bound and gagged man to the chair, and I pull out a dagger. Then I, Maddie. 

Blouter

With murder hobo again. 

Bjorn

I leaned down really close to him. With my off hand, I produce a healing potion. I cut the bands on his hands. 

Blouter

Are louder. Louder. Is is gonna stare incredulously at Bjorn because he can't believe what the fuck just happened. 

Jimmy

Okay. So, um. Big thanks. Hey. Thanks. He thanks you for the healing potion and the freedom. Um, he's gonna be like, oh, man, those orcs came out of nowhere. They, uh. They. They caught us by surprise. Killed all my ranch hands. Uh, let my animals free. And, uh, man, I don't know if I can turn a profit anymore. 

Bjorn

Well, if it's any comfort, um, your home is littered in dead orgs. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean, I'm sure it's a mess to clean up, but at least I don't got to worry about them beating me no more. 

Blouter

Um. Quick question. Uh, what exactly does our our guild paper say? 

Jimmy

Oh, that's not the one I'm using as a bookmark for some reason. Um, give me one second. Let me find it in the book. 

Bjorn

See, guys, I'm not always murder hobo ish orcs. 

Jimmy

So so so the paper from the guild reads orcs have attacked Butter Skull Ranch five miles east of Cannonbury along the tribal trail. Travel there with haste, assess the damage and help any way you can. Ranch owner Alphonse Big Al Carlson is a retired sheriff who can reward you for your efforts if he's dead. Return to town. Master Harbin Wester, with proof of his death to receive a reward of 100 gold pieces if the characters. Okay. Yeah. And if you're alive. Huh? 

Blouter

If he's alive, what do we do? 

Jimmy

Help them in any way you can. 

Blouter

So, like, take care of the orcs and off we go. 

Jimmy

I mean, you could. 

Blouter

Are we are we trying to get this guy's animals back? That's what I'm trying to figure out. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean. 

Dobblebobble

I was going to ask, do I hear them talking while I'm on the first floor? 

Jimmy

A rolling a perception. 

Dobblebobble

16. 

Jimmy

You hear muffled talking, but you can't quite understand what you know they're saying. 

Dobblebobble

Can I tell that it's a different voice? 

Jimmy

You can tell somebody that's not in your party is talking. Yes. 

Dobblebobble

Awesome. So I'm gonna cast just prestidigitation on those horse tags. They have his marking on it. So that it appears that there are horses. 

Bjorn

It might just give us the horses. 

Speaker E

Press it. 

Jimmy

Just press. 

Speaker E

To make. 

Dobblebobble

An illusion. 

Jimmy

You can make an illusory effect, not like an actual illusion. I think is what it is. Like rustling colors. 

Dobblebobble

Small mark or symbol appear on an object for a surface for one hour. 

Blouter

Yeah. I mean. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

So so describe to me what you're going to make the brand look like. So they, they he thinks that they're not his horses anymore. 

Dobblebobble

So I'm going to use the same symbol that my character saw on the, uh, the pieces of wood I bought off that traveler. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Dobblebobble

He's that simple. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Blouter

And now we have a symbol for the group. 

Jimmy

Um, you know, I might, I might, I might have some stuff to help kill a dragon around. If you guys could help me find my cow. 

Blouter

Uh, what kind of stuff could help kill a dragon? 

Speaker E

Deal. 

Jimmy

Some mithril chainmail that I've been saving for a rainy day. 

Blouter

What size is it? 

Jimmy

Great question. My it is a great question. So it's enough to go around. 

Blouter

All right. I got one more question for you. Sure. How are you feeling today? 

Jimmy

Not high enough. 

Blouter

No, that's not the answer. BGR. BGR! How are you feeling today? 

Jimmy

I don't know this reference you were speaking of. 

Blouter

So you don't know who big Gay al is? No, you're not super. Thanks for asking. 

Speaker E

No, super. 

Blouter

Today you're not so super and happy and gay. 

Jimmy

No, I, I mean, I kind of get the, the, the the reference, but I, you know, I did not watch it nearly as much as you guys. Apparently. 

Blouter

I'm awestruck. Chat, if you're here right now, I need you to talk to Jimmy and just explain to him what life is. I'm. I'm upset right now. Fine, fine. Let's go get your cow. Do you have any idea where your cow might be? 

Dobblebobble

Are they still in the basement talking? 

Jimmy

Uh, yeah. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Did you want to do something while they're talking? 

Dobblebobble

Um, I guess I will go join them, but I won't be able to contribute to that. Uh, question. But yeah, I'll log in the basement. 

Speaker E

Hey, guys. Oh, it's Big Al feeling super. 

Blouter

No he's not. 

Speaker E

Oh, my God, it's a talking hat. 

Jimmy

What the fuck? 

Blouter

Louder says very bluntly. No, he is not super. 

Speaker E

What are we are this big house. 

Bjorn

So what do we gotta do? 

Jimmy

Uh, I mean, I my my my prize winning dairy cow was missing after the orcs. Let it let it go. And, I mean, I can hire new ranch hands, but, like, I can't I can't get another Betsy. 

Speaker E

Or. Yo, you guys are you remember when. 

Bjorn

We were coming down the trail or trail? We, uh, saw that cow. 

Speaker E

You think that's a cow? 

Blouter

Uh, yeah. 

Bjorn

Chances are, if he's looking for a cow. When we saw a cow. 

Speaker H

If I remember right, it was like it was right off the trail. Down to the. Yeah. 

Blouter

We should, uh. 

Speaker E

We should see it. 

Jimmy

Yay! Somebody remembered the cow. 

Blouter

Uh, yeah, actually. Good call. Ben. Uh, can my can my hawk actually locate that thing? 

Jimmy

We're only 86. 

Blouter

A straight d6. Yep. Roll me a d6, Y is six. 

Jimmy

That's how the book wants it rolled. I don't understand either, but. 

Blouter

Okay. Well it was a one. 

Jimmy

Yeah. So that's, that's that's going to be a no. Your hawk could not find him. Care to search? 

Blouter

Yeah. I feel like my hawk should have advantage. 

Dobblebobble

Being in the air. 

Blouter

Yeah. 

Jimmy

So it's basically, basically, you're supposed to be combing. Combing the countryside for every hour. You're supposed to roll a d6 to see if you spotted the cow. 

Blouter

Well, here's the thing, though, is we already know where it is. 

Jimmy

Well, yeah, you knew where it was when you drove past it, but it's been a number of hours now, so it wandered again. 

Blouter

Have you met a cow? 

Speaker E

They don't wander. 

Blouter

Far. Yeah, they don't wander very far. 

Dobblebobble

Should have tipped. 

Speaker E

It. 

Jimmy

When they just washed their whole ranch. Go up in a blaze, basically. Uh, yeah, I think Kyle got the fuck out. 

Blouter

I got a four. I got a four. 

Jimmy

Okay. Yeah. So you you're your hawk finally spots the cow, and it is, um, no longer in the cornfield where it was. And it's going to be, um, a little ways down the tribal trail. Um, just just grazing in the meadow. 

Blouter

All right. 

Speaker E

Party. 

Blouter

We must go with swiftness. 

Bjorn

I agree. 

Speaker E

We. 

Dobblebobble

Should grab some. 

Speaker H

Stuff to help bring the cow back though. Maybe like a lasso or something? 

Speaker E

No. I was. 

Blouter

I was just going to put it on the floating disc. 

Speaker E

That works. 

Bjorn

I ride the cow. 

Blouter

Who? I will ride the cow. 

Speaker E

It can't be. 

Dobblebobble

Can I take care of Big Al in his injuries while they go and deal with that cow? 

Bjorn

Uh, I think Big Gal would love if he stopped and stayed and took care of all of his injuries. He might feel super. 

Speaker H

I just cleaned out his room. I mean, make the bed clean, the work off the wall. It'll be good as new. 

Blouter

I can't believe you didn't get that reference. Jimmy. I'm still upset. 

Jimmy

Like I said, I got I. 

Bjorn

Got the reference and I don't I hardly watched South Park. 

Jimmy

That's what I'm saying like I. Barely watch South Park. So. 

Bjorn

All righty. Onward. We go to collect the cow. Uh. By the way, the healing potion I gave him was a greater healing potion. 

Jimmy

So, yeah, he's, uh. He's feeling pretty good. Um. Well, I mean, you're so. So he's going to be talking to, uh, devil devil real quick, and he's going to say, like your friend, your friend's healing potion, like, I'm I'm feeling really good. But, uh, if you want, you can. Yeah, you can help me, uh, take stock around the farm and get stuff fixed up. 

Speaker H

Yeah, you got it. I'm really good at tinkering, and I got my own store. If I haven't told everybody, like, a million times. 

Blouter

He's told us as I'm leaving the basement. 

Speaker E

Uh. 

Jimmy

Um. 

Dobblebobble

Is there anything specific you for having me do or. 

Speaker E

The. 

Jimmy

Uh, not really. He's just, like, going around, like checking, like. The fence and stuff, seeing like, make sure like the orcs didn't, like, completely ruin the fence. Um, you help him, you help him for like, an hour or two, just fixing a couple spots that were broken up. And, um, you guys find the cabin? Probably returning it about then, too. 

Dobblebobble

So it was a prized dairy cow? 

Jimmy

Yes. Yes it was. Oh, yeah. How long she. Prestidigitation? 

Speaker E

Uh, one hour. 

Dobblebobble

An hour. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Um, yeah. So you got. And when you guys get back with this cow, he's gonna, uh, run up crying to his cow. Petunia. Oh, Petunia. Petunia, I thought it I thought I thought you were a goner. 

Bjorn

And thought it was Betsy. 

Jimmy

It's Petunia in the book. Okay, I double checked when I, you know, said Betsy, Betsy or Petunia. Petunia. Okay. It's cow. It's a cow. It's a surprise cow. He doesn't care what he named it. No cow. Milkers your back. 

Blouter

That sounds wrong. 

Jimmy

Creme fraiche. Um. So. Yeah. Uh, thank, uh, he's going to thank you guys for getting his cow back. Um, you guys want to stay for a meal? And, uh, the suns. Suns getting ready to go down? 

Bjorn

I do have a request. In the process of us coming to help you. Our horses were killed. Now, for us to be able to pull our carriage, we could use two horses. And we found two of yours. 

Blouter

We found three of his. 

Bjorn

We found three of yours. 

Speaker E

He's going to. 

Dobblebobble

See a hat just turning back and forth. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean, I guess I could let you, uh, let you keep two of them. If you want to take this note back to, uh, the, uh, the guild and, uh, have them send me out some more ranch hands. 

Bjorn

Deal. 

Jimmy

Um, so he's gonna, you know, quickly write down, like, how many ranch hands and some supplies he needs and, uh, give you the guys the script. Really? Thanks for the like. 

Speaker E

What the hell, babe? Hey, my chopped liver. 

Blouter

No, I can't get a shout out. I don't see when, uh, likes come up on this this platform. 

Speaker H

Excuse me, pal. I got I got another question. So, like, you got all this butter and I got this crab. I was wondering, could I get some butter for the crab? 

Jimmy

I mean, you could have a couple skulls of butter, I guess. You toss. 

Speaker E

Up. 

Jimmy

Two, two skulls of butter. Um, he's gonna be like. I'll be right back. I gotta go get that, uh, from Petunia. Gotta go get that mithril. Mithril chainmail for you. Uh. Where is it? Which magical item is it on? Probably easier to Google it. 

Speaker E

Mithril. 

Blouter

Mithril is considered a light armor, right? 

Jimmy

Mithril is a light, flexible metal. Unlike normal chainmail, mithril chainmail doesn't have a strength requirement and doesn't impose disadvantage on dexterity checks or stealth checks. 

Speaker E

Go! 

Blouter

I still can't wear it. I mean, I can, but. 

Speaker E

Hey, that's all it says. 

Jimmy

It doesn't tell me the AC or anything on this card. It's kind of fucking useless. 

Bjorn

How do you spell mithril? 

Blouter

M I t h r e l. 

Dobblebobble

I l. 

Blouter

R a l. 

Jimmy

Yeah. R a l. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

Um, let me actually Google it real quick too, though. 

Bjorn

It doesn't pop up in the app. 

Jimmy

Well, of course not, because you don't have all the you guys don't even have, like, the Player's Handbook in the app. No, I found it. 

Bjorn

So a mithril mithril chainmail is considered, uh, has an armor class of 16 and an is £55. It's a light, flexible metal. If the armor normally impose a disadvantage on dexterity checks, or has a strength requirement in the mithril version of the armor doesn't. 

Speaker E

Yeah, so. 

Jimmy

AC 16 no stealth disadvantage. 

Bjorn

And it's actually heavy armor. 

Blouter

Wait, do I do I get a disadvantage for wearing armor? 

Jimmy

You do. 

Blouter

The only disadvantage I can think of is not being able to use shield. 

Bjorn

Mithril chain armor has an ace or chain mail has an AC of 16. A Mithral chain shirt, which has medium armor, has an AC of 13. 

Jimmy

Let's chain mail. 

Speaker E

Um. 

Jimmy

So if you wear armor that you're not proficient in. You get disadvantage on pretty much everything, I think is how it works. 

Speaker E

Armor without. 

Jimmy

It's mitt saving throw or attack roll that involves strength or dexterity. And you can't cast spells. 

Blouter

With mithril. 

Jimmy

With any, any. If you wear armor that you lack proficiency with, you have disadvantage on any ability check, saving, throw or attack roll that involves strength or dexterity. And you can't cast spells. 

Blouter

Yeah, but mithril doesn't have those disadvantages. That's why I'm wondering if spell cast mithril. 

Jimmy

Doesn't have the stealth disadvantage. The dexterity disadvantage. 

Speaker E

Mhm. 

Blouter

Okay that's fine dude I was just wondering. 

Speaker E

What's the. 

Dobblebobble

Disadvantage on it. 

Jimmy

What do you mean. 

Dobblebobble

Oh. So when I roll a dexterity it's at a disadvantage. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

When you do anything it's at disadvantage. 

Bjorn

So am I adding that to my inventory, then? 

Jimmy

Uh, I think you're the only one that's proficient in heavy armor. So you're the only candidate for it. 

Speaker E

Oh. 

Blouter

Yeah. I don't even think John or Lara or, uh, Amnon or Lyra. Lyra? No, you got me. 

Dobblebobble

Light and medium. 

Bjorn

I'm actually not proficient or. I have light armor and medium armor and shields is a barbarian, not heavy armor. 

Jimmy

Oh, damn. So so nobody so Lauter. 

Blouter

Lauter takes it and he says, I think I have a use for this. And he talks it into, uh, into his cloak. 

Bjorn

I was going to ask if we can make it half plate, because then I could use it. Medium armor. 

Blouter

Um. Um. No, it's. Trust me, it's worth more. It's mithril. 

Bjorn

Well, it's what I'm saying. Mithril. Half plate. 

Blouter

Oh, gotcha. 

Jimmy

Let's see real quick. Hold on. 

Bjorn

It would actually make the EQ go down to 15, though. Surprisingly. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

I suppose. If you really want it like that, I don't. I don't see a problem with it. 

Bjorn

Cool. Thank you. 

Speaker I

Cool. 

Bjorn

Ironically enough, my AC doesn't change. 

Blouter

Then why'd you take it? 

Bjorn

Because I didn't know. I thought the half plate had less AC. But it has 15 AC. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean, you're a barbarian, so, like, you should have unarmored defense. Max, I think, gets added to your AC. 

Speaker E

Well, let. 

Bjorn

Me check that real quick. 

Jimmy

And then your shield. So that's why I like barbarians are like just they're just naturally tanks because they don't need armor usually. 

Bjorn

My AC is actually only 18 without wearing armor. 

Speaker E

And I think. 

Bjorn

My shield might not be equipped. No, no, that is with my shield equipped. 

Blouter

Yes, sir. What's your AC with armor? 

Bjorn

I'm checking right now. I want to say it's 19. Yeah. With armour. It's 19. 

Jimmy

Ten plus x plus two. So with a base of 15 plus two, which should be 17. So I don't understand. I don't understand where you're getting extra r AC from. 

Bjorn

That's what it says on the app. Maybe my shield bonus. 

Jimmy

A shield plus two AC from the shield and you get AC 15 from your armor. I don't know where the extra two AC is coming from, is what I'm saying. 

Bjorn

My constitution modifier maybe. 

Dobblebobble

What is he doing? 

Jimmy

Trying to understand. Where Maddie's going. Defense you get plus tax plus gun. Okay. Yeah. So 15. Plus two. I just don't understand because, like. 

Bjorn

You know what? My proficiency bonus. Maybe because I'm proficient in medium armor. 

Jimmy

But I don't think it adds like that. 

Dobblebobble

I don't know. The pluses. Its pluses. Stealth. Have played AC and then stealth disadvantage. 

Speaker E

No. 

Jimmy

So yeah like normal normal normal half plate is because it's a metal armor. It chinks and clings when you move with it. You know. 

Dobblebobble

The shield plus two AC yeah, the. 

Jimmy

Shield is plus two AC but the armor is only 15 AC, so 15 plus two is 17. It sounds like something we. 

Blouter

Should figure out off stream. 

Dobblebobble

Yes, sir. Oh, this is proficiency in shields. 

Jimmy

That doesn't. Proficiency is only to hit. It's not something we can. 

Blouter

Figure out off stream. Got it. Move on. Move on. 

Dobblebobble

So he offered us a place to stay. 

Speaker E

He did? Yes. 

Jimmy

Emil. Which I mean, is kind of on the meager side after the orcs were, you know, in this house and eating everything. 

Speaker E

Whoa, whoa, whoa. 

Blouter

No it's not. Ben has a ton of crab. 

Dobblebobble

I was just about to say like kings. 

Speaker H

I'm gonna go to the barn, guys, I'm really tired. I'm just. I'm just gonna go get a bunch of sleep. 

Jimmy

So you got you guys you guys made the crab for. 

Dobblebobble

I don't know what they made. I'm making the crab in the barn. 

Bjorn

I'm just eating the rations I have. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean, he. You know, it's like a hot meal. It's like it's just. No, no, no, guys. 

Speaker H

I was going to be really shady, and I was going to make all this crab meat with that skull butter this big ale man gave us. But you know what? After a time in those tunnels, just. I gotta share with you guys. You know, it's just who I am. 

Dobblebobble

So I'm gonna, you know, share my my crabmeat with him. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Everybody roll me a con. 

Speaker E

Save me such a dick. 

Blouter

I didn't say I ate it. I did, I said we're eating like kings. What's a. 

Dobblebobble

Saving throw? 

Speaker E

Oh. 

Bjorn

14 for my con. 

Dobblebobble

Seven. 

Blouter

For. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um, everybody but Big Al failed their constitution. Save. And, um. So y'all ever had food poisoning before in real life? 

Speaker E

Yes, I have. Yeah. Fortunately. 

Jimmy

That that is your guys's night. So you do not benefit from the effects of a long rest. 

Blouter

Nice. 

Speaker E

Wait. 

Bjorn

But I didn't eat it. 

Blouter

Yeah. You did. It's too late to say it now. 

Bjorn

No, I did, I said I was eating my rations. 

Jimmy

Yeah, but I signed a big a big l made you a, uh. 

Blouter

He. Yeah, but he did say he was eating his rations. He never said he was joining for the. All right, well. 

Jimmy

Then then, Maddie, you can get a long rest, even though you don't need it. Mister, I'm only missing four HP right out of fucking 60. Uh. 

Bjorn

53. 

Jimmy

Um. 

Bjorn

I just want to say, last time we played, that was, like, the best I've ever done. Like, I got hit one time and killed, like, six things. 

Jimmy

I mean, you barely get hit because your AC is so high. That's why I like. It's a concern for me right now. 

Speaker E

Uh. 

Bjorn

I don't know. 

Jimmy

That's all I like. I just don't know where the extra two points is coming from, because there's, like, two fucking random points coming from somewhere. And I. 

Bjorn

Think it's my proficiency bonus. 

Dobblebobble

Because he has it don't matter. In other words, of, of uh, it don't matter. Um. 

Blouter

Don't matter. So shut up. 

Speaker E

Yep. 

Jimmy

You are. Maddie was the only one well rested. You guys, if I. 

Blouter

If I take a short rest, I get some of my spell slots back, don't I? As a wizard. Is that not a thing? 

Jimmy

That's for you to know? Um. 

Dobblebobble

I know I have that. 

Jimmy

Where's your character? Let me see. 

Speaker E

You're good. 

Jimmy

Should be under your features and traits. 

Blouter

Yeah, it's what I'm looking under right now. 

Dobblebobble

Combined level of two. 

Jimmy

Yeah. When he once per day. When you finish your short rest up to the combined level of two slots. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

Okay. So so level one and level two if you want. 

Speaker E

All right. 

Blouter

Thank you. O-tay. 

Speaker E

Okay. Well, it's gone. So. 

Jimmy

Um. You guys start heading back towards town, I'm gonna guess. 

Blouter

Uh, towards that town or towards our town. 

Jimmy

Well, I mean both, technically, because you gotta go through the one to get back to the main town. 

Blouter

Yeah, I, I think we should go back to our town. Vanderlyn. 

Jimmy

As you guys are exiting Canterbury. Um, you see, you see a familiar peddler on the side with a, uh, blanket and three items. 

Blouter

Is it the same peddler? 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

I said it's a familiar peddler. 

Blouter

Oh, okay. I didn't hear that part. Hey there. Gobble, gobble. He might have some more magical items. 

Speaker E

Oh. 

Dobblebobble

You think? 

Blouter

You never know. 

Speaker H

Hey, I don't wanna pay for it, though. 

Blouter

We might be able to work something out. 

Speaker H

I guess I mean, I feel like the party really hated me for stopping the first time, but, you know, I guess we just got to lean into this a little bit. So. Yeah, let's just stop, I guess. 

Dobblebobble

So yeah, I guess I'll pass up on my pony. 

Speaker E

Oh, hey. 

Jimmy

It's the talking head on the pony again. What's up? What? 

Speaker H

What's going on? Still, still stuck with it this time. 

Jimmy

Oh, yeah. Yeah I got, I got, I got three new items in today from forest. Uh, some more forest, like usual. You know, that's just kind of a daily task. So it's a good seller. It's a good seller. Uh, I still have the show you. 

Speaker H

Gave me last time. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Speaker H

Yeah. You want to buy it back? 

Jimmy

No, that's. That's yours. 

Speaker H

No, no, just the one. Just the one I, I want to keep the amulet and the other. But this is really good. I'll even I'll even if you throw in that stuff, I'll make a trade for one skull of butter. 

Speaker E

Butter. 

Jimmy

Butter, butter. I haven't had butter in a while. 

Speaker H

You gotta buy the one of me. 

Jimmy

But I gotta buy the wood. 

Speaker H

You start with one thing of wood. But you got butter and I got a little bit of leftover crab meat you might like. 

Jimmy

Crab meat. 

Speaker H

Crab meat drenched in butter. It is so good. We got a full night's sleep last night, I swear to God. 

Blouter

Well, now you gotta. You gotta. 

Speaker E

Eruption. 

Dobblebobble

What about persuasion? Because I'm trying. 

Blouter

You're lying. You're lying your ass. 

Speaker E

Off, bro. 

Bjorn

Deception is glaring at you. Now. 

Blouter

If you would have left out the part about a good night's sleep, you probably would have been okay. 

Jimmy

Yeah, I would have been in persuasion. Um. 

Speaker H

Let me look at this big guy over here. 

Jimmy

He's got. He's gonna take one look at the crab meat and be like. You didn't refrigerate that at all, did you? 

Speaker H

Well, it's a fresh kill. We ate it within five hours. And then we were at Big Al's, so of course I refrigerated it. 

Jimmy

I don't know, man. I, I mean, the butter's covered in wax. Leads me to believe he doesn't have a fridge. I, I, uh I'll, I'll, I'll take the firewood back and the skull of butter and I will give you this item right here. 

Dobblebobble

You guys are farther. Uh. Okay, I'll. 

Speaker H

Take it. 

Dobblebobble

And I'll be right back. Sorry, guys. 

Blouter

You're good. Do your thing, bud. 

Jimmy

You didn't even ask me to describe the item. Awesome. Easiest sale ever. 

Bjorn

I tossed the guy two gold pieces and take the firewood. 

Speaker E

Oh, thank. 

Jimmy

You sir, thank you sir. 

Speaker E

Thank you. 

Jimmy

Um, but it's gonna be. It's gonna be hilarious. 

Blouter

Uh, does the guy have anything else for sale? 

Jimmy

Um. So Mandy just took the firewood. 

Dobblebobble

So I lost firewood. 

Jimmy

The item I'm giving Ben is a. It looks like a twig. But like, it comes to like a diamond in the center, like it branches off and then like, reforms. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Dobblebobble

So, like a natural tennis racket kind of deal. 

Jimmy

Yeah. Or bubble wand or, you know, uh. 

Dobblebobble

He didn't take, like. 

Jimmy

A fishing net that might have, you know, the net broke out of or. 

Dobblebobble

And, uh, I'm gonna totally cast, uh, arcana on it. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Blouter

Uh, yeah. So as I notice the wobble wobble, uh, casting arcana. Check on that. 

Speaker E

Uh. 

Blouter

I am going to use a bonus action to, uh, to pull a little puff puff. Puff, puff. 

Dobblebobble

Huh? 

Blouter

And I'm gonna. I'm gonna, uh. You're. That's what he bought was the the net thing. Yeah. 

Jimmy

That's that's what he got. That's, that's that was the item offered. 

Blouter

Can I make the can I make the smoke form like a smoke net? Does that make sense? You can. Okay, that's what I do. 

Speaker H

Oh my God, look at. Oh, this is mystical shit. Yo. You seeing this? We could get some, like, ghosties maybe, like, oh, I'm gonna keep this safe. 

Jimmy

Who are you gonna call? Dabo. Bobble. Double bubbles. Poltergeist. Catching service. Um, he's gonna have, uh, he's gonna have another little wooden totem. Uh, this one's gonna be in the shape of a hawk. 

Speaker E

On the shape of a hawk. Yep. 

Blouter

I'm sorry. I was asking about this one already. Ben. Yeah. 

Speaker H

I wanted all the. 

Speaker E

You got. 

Jimmy

One item. That's what you agreed to. 

Speaker E

That's. Yeah. 

Jimmy

No crab meat. No extra item. 

Speaker E

I even put. 

Dobblebobble

This in. 

Speaker E

His. 

Blouter

Sir. How much for the hawk? 

Jimmy

Oh, uh, that'll be a gold piece. It's hand-carved. Well designed, you see. It's all nice. Nice and inlaid with sap. 

Blouter

Can I with sap? Can I inspect it at all? 

Jimmy

Yeah. 

Blouter

Anything about. 

Jimmy

It? It's just a very nice wood carved top. 

Blouter

You know, with all this extra sap here, I really think it's only worth five silver. 

Jimmy

I mean, it's a great fire starter. 

Blouter

Yeah, but do you burn a piece of art to start a fire? 

Jimmy

You might. 

Bjorn

Might depends on how cold you are. 

Jimmy

Man's trash is another man's treasure, right? 

Blouter

What do you say about six silver? And we'll call it a day. 

Jimmy

It's gonna be one hard goal. 

Blouter

One hard gold. 

Jimmy

Let's post of that soft liquid. You're gonna give me earlier. 

Dobblebobble

I'm gonna try and, uh, come and help persuade for bladder. 

Speaker E

Uh, I. 

Bjorn

I tossed the guy three gold and tell him to give it to the wizard. 

Jimmy

He graciously accepts. Here you go, sir. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Blouter

I'm just going to walk away and be like. I have a plan for this. 

Bjorn

I got you guys. 

Jimmy

You are now sticky. 

Blouter

So my plan is I'm going to take the sap. That's like, gathered in the, uh, in the wood. Right? And I'm going to put it on top of my pipe. 

Speaker E

Okay. Smoke it. 

Jimmy

What kind of pipe do you have, sir? 

Blouter

What kind of pipe? Yes. It would be a Gandalf pipe. Yeah. 

Jimmy

Nice wood. Ivory like. 

Blouter

No, just like basic wood pipe. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Uh, long for your pipe. Combusts, sir. It starts burning. 

Blouter

Uh. Why? 

Jimmy

Because this app ignites. 

Speaker E

It's highly. 

Bjorn

Flammable. 

Blouter

Jimmy. 

Speaker E

What? You ever. 

Blouter

You ever put wax on a bowl? 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Blouter

Does it ignite the whole bowl? 

Jimmy

Have you ever fucking lit up a piece of birch bark or something like that, bro? 

Blouter

Birch bark is not pine. 

Jimmy

I didn't say it was pine. I said it was sad. You jumped to the conclusion that it was pine. Birch? 

Blouter

Birch doesn't sap up like that. So it's a soft wood and soft wood doesn't do that. 

Speaker E

Doesn't guess. 

Jimmy

It does. Dude. 

Blouter

Yeah. Uh uh. 

Jimmy

No lights out. Quick to. 

Blouter

You need to spend some time in the fucking woods and get out of the house, bro. Uh huh, yeah, I'm all right. I'm not the one burns up. Bullshit. But whatever. 

Jimmy

It didn't say it burned up. It said it ignited. 

Speaker E

Uh huh. 

Blouter

Let's go continue on smoking it anyways. Fucking DM just has it out for his fucking players. Can't just fucking roll with a good storyline. 

Jimmy

It is a good storyline. These guys pulled the sheep over your eyes twice now. He is loving his life. 

Blouter

Keep going, keep going. 

Bjorn

Upon upon seeing um Bloaters, um, pipe burst into flames. I hopped down from my pig and I approached the little peddler guy. 

Jimmy

Uh, he's already gone. Just vanished into the woods. 

Speaker E

Misty. 

Jimmy

He sold out items again. He packed up and went home. 

Bjorn

I head towards the woods. 

Jimmy

Uh, you guys are going to be so satisfied by this in the future, I swear. Oh. 

Speaker E

Dude. 

Blouter

John broke the chain on the fucking. He literally broke the chain on the fidget toy because he couldn't just fidget with the fidget toy. I'm done. Dude. I'm done. 

Bjorn

Alrighty. So, on our way back to Dillon. Yup. Vandalian. 

Jimmy

Okay. As you guys are, um, going down the Triborough Trail, you see a figure dart out of sight into a tree line. 

Blouter

Uh, could we tell if it was, like, humanoid? 

Jimmy

Uh. Role role perceptions, I guess to see how well you saw it on passive, you just saw something dart into the tree line. 

Bjorn

11. 

Speaker E

Two. 

Blouter

Yeah. Not on the right page, sir. Rough eight. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

You guys, you guys can't tell. Um. My heart can't tell if it was human or not, but you can tell it wasn't short, if that makes sense. It was like a taller shadow. 

Blouter

Okay. 

Bjorn

I say we proceed with caution. I sense an ambush. 

Blouter

I say we proceed at full force and get the fuck out of here. 

Dobblebobble

Is there enough of a reaction time for me to cast true strike? 

Jimmy

Um. Probably not. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Um, so what are you guys doing? 

Bjorn

I'm writing ahead at full speed, apparently trotting away on my peg. 

Blouter

Okay, I forgot you still had a pig. 

Jimmy

Uh, roll me a deck. Save. 

Bjorn

Nobody wanted to fucking listen to him. 

Dobblebobble

He's rolling the deck. Save! 

Bjorn

Seven. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um, you did not see the rope that was strung across the road. And you are. You fall off your pig onto your back, and you take one point of damage, so. 

Bjorn

Somebody's going to die. Uh. 

Dobblebobble

Ready. Did you roll that on your top? Um, wonder, did you do it under a saving throw? 

Bjorn

It was a taxi ride. 

Jimmy

Oh, yeah. There's a specific section for saves. 

Bjorn

I, I hit the wrong thing. Hold on. 

Jimmy

It might be the same thing, though. Yeah, it's still a plus two, so. Okay. 

Speaker E

It's ten. 

Jimmy

Still, sir. Um, and. Yeah, with that, um, you see. Two bandits come from either side of the road. Um. 

Blouter

Do they attack or are we going into initiative or are they talking? 

Jimmy

Uh, I mean, they're ban it. So give us give us your wares and we may spare your lives. 

Blouter

Oh, okay. All right, no problem. Fine. Gentleman. Just come back here to the cart. 

Jimmy

One the one's going to be like make hand signals and all, but the one guy that's approaching the cart now raised their crossbows. 

Blouter

Well, you always said there was two guys. 

Jimmy

There's two on each side. You mean. 

Blouter

All but. Oh, okay. 

Bjorn

I'm going to fly into a frenzied rage and sprint at the nearest fucking guy. 

Blouter

Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and, uh, well, actually, my shield initiative. 

Jimmy

Yeah. 

Bjorn

Do I still have to roll initiative after I just told you what I was doing? 

Jimmy

Yes. Just because if you guys are going straight. Confrontation with it. 17. 

Blouter

Well, I'm just casting shield on myself. 

Bjorn

Oh, Nat. 20 plus two. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Dobblebobble

I feel like Billy's action should go through. 

Speaker E

Here is. For? There it is. 

Jimmy

I was like, where the hell did I put my pencil? 

Dobblebobble

Oh, he loves to carry the group at the end on these turns. 

Jimmy

Okay, initiative roll. Double bubble. 

Speaker E

No joke. 

Bjorn

I gotta grab a phone charger real quick. I'll be right back. 

Speaker E

Okay, buttons, I feel. 

Blouter

Like my hat's too low on my head. I'm not trying to be bad. 

Dobblebobble

All the time. 

Blouter

I'm saying I'm not trying to be your character. I'm trying to be a wizard. My shit's all like haha! 

Speaker E

Squirt! 

Speaker H

Hey guys, are you guys are so nice. I appreciate your friendship. And, uh, yeah. 

Bjorn

I'm just gonna continue on. 

Dobblebobble

Very, very good job. 

Speaker E

No, I. 

Blouter

Tried, dude. 

Dobblebobble

That was. 

Speaker E

Good. Oh, no. 

Blouter

Was it? I tried. 

Jimmy

DB. Then then then. 

Speaker E

Okay, I'm a wizard. Okay. 

Bjorn

You're a wizard, Billy. 

Jimmy

Uh, so. Yeah. Bjorn, it is totally up to you first. So if you want to go ahead and. Fly off the handle. 

Speaker E

Oh, yeah. 

Jimmy

And put somebody on the hook. 

Bjorn

Somebody's going to get buttfucked in a minute. 

Speaker E

Well, probably. 

Bjorn

Literally. I'm feeling. I'm feeling some type of way. 

Speaker E

Whoa! 

Blouter

Well, we we don't do that. On, on. Uh, dad? Whoa! We're in the woods already. 

Bjorn

So. Yeah, I'm, um, going into a frenzied rage and sprinting at the nearest bandit. Okay. And I'm going to fuck his dad. 

Blouter

Were you letting my shield go through or. No. Jimmy. Just real quick. 

Jimmy

Uh, yeah, I, I don't see why not. You know, they're bandits. There's no. No mages, no counterspells, no, nothing like that. So. 

Blouter

Uh. And then. Yeah. Continue. 

Bjorn

Um, with being in my frenzied rage, I'm going to equip my battle axe instead of my shield. So I am going to, um. Yeah, I'm going to attack the dude with two attacks being in my frenzy, I'm going to my first attack. I'm going to take a swing at him with my war hammer. 

Jimmy

Well, it. Takes you an action or a bonus action, doesn't it, to rage and frenzy. 

Bjorn

If it does not say I'm looking. 

Dobblebobble

There's a bonus action and a rage. Okay. 

Jimmy

And then. Does he have to wait? Then another round. Two frenzy? 

Speaker E

No, no. 

Dobblebobble

Because frenzy is also a bonus action. 

Bjorn

So yes, my rage is technically a bonus action, but it does not. Say while raging, you can choose to frenzy. You can make a single, um, melee weapon attack as a bonus action on each of your turns. Oh, it's after this one. Um, so yeah, I will just take a swing at him then with my okay warhammer. My bad, I misread. 

Jimmy

Oh, you're good. Like, I just, I, I know there was some kind of action economy behind it as all you know. 

Speaker E

All right. 

Bjorn

Do you want me to now roll and disregard the first one? 

Speaker E

Uh, sure. 

Bjorn

I didn't hit him. 

Jimmy

Um. Yeah. You. You did not. Did not hit. Um, you're you're you're so, so worked up off of, you know, being tossed on your ass. You kind of just swing and swing and miss at him. Uh, it is double Bibles. Turn. 

Dobblebobble

So? So it's two on one and two on the other and we're in between. 

Speaker E

Mhm. 

Dobblebobble

Okay. So I am going to. Cast. I'm sorry. We're away. Here we go. Oh. Come on. I'm going to, uh, use one of my meta magics. And Castor twin. Uh, scorcher at two of them. Probably the two in front of us. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Dobblebobble

There's it in front and behind or left and right. 

Jimmy

It's like left and right because Bjorn was riding a little bit to the right, taken off. So what? 

Dobblebobble

I'm going to cast it to the right side of the wagon. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Speaker E

Um, so. Uh. 

Jimmy

If you're Bjorn, Bjorn, for your sake will say you took the guy and, like, left front instead of the guy in the right front like that. Um. You gotta you gotta roll a hit for that or it's dodges. 

Dobblebobble

You gotta do a save. A Dex save. 

Jimmy

Okay, so roll damage. 

Dobblebobble

What'd you get? 

Jimmy

Just roll your damage. I will let you know. Okay? 

Dobblebobble

That is 13 times two if they hit. So 26 of it hit, 13 of they dodged. 

Jimmy

You were like casting them on top of each other? 

Dobblebobble

Yeah, like boom, boom. This was like once they got through the first wave of fire. Like that second one just came out of nowhere. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um. So then. And what was the save? 

Dobblebobble

13 ducks. 

Jimmy

Okay, so you said 26 damage on a hit. Uh, full hit. 

Dobblebobble

13.5 and 13.5. 

Jimmy

Okay. So you see, the one bandit just turned into a pile of ash. Um, just straight dust. Uh, snapped his ass, and the other guy is rolling around, writhing in incredible pain as he took, um. She said it was like half. So what's 2020 points of fire damage? Like he is. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Probably just about dead. I didn't have a specific HP in mind for these guys, but, um, and and I guess. 

Dobblebobble

There's a movement. I'll rally over to the the side of the cart. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um. All right, so it is up to the bandits after seeing their one, uh, dude just literally turn to dust and their other guy writhing in pain. The other two that are mostly healthy are gonna try to run away. Um. And. The one that is not near. Bjorn runs away. The other one. Gets caught on like a rock or something. Like a bush snags his tunic. And holds them in place. Um, so there is one bandit. Feeling good in front of you or in one and running through the woods at this point and one rolling around in agony. And it is browser history. 

Blouter

So there's one that's still like up and around. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Jimmy

By um. By Bjarne. 

Speaker E

All right. 

Blouter

Uh, well, that motherfucker is getting a Firebolt to his face. 

Speaker E

Yeah. He is. Fuck that guy. 

Blouter

Uh, it's gonna be a 19 to hit. 

Jimmy

That's definitely gonna hit. 

Blouter

Oh, it's only gonna be a two. Uh, it was just like a little poof. 

Jimmy

So, uh, yeah. You hit him with the fireball in the top of the head, leaving him looking like Friar Tuck. 

Blouter

Comedy is the best form of fighting. 

Jimmy

He's patting himself out. And cursing under his breath. 

Blouter

Now, sir, I think it is time that you let us be on our way. 

Jimmy

It is Bjorn Bhakti Bjorn. Bandit doesn't care. Bandit is trying to run. He's like, you guys are fucking crazy. 

Speaker E

All right. 

Jimmy

He's stuck on a bush. So, like. 

Bjorn

My character doesn't have a response other than these two roles. One's a 12 to hit. 

Jimmy

Okay, that's gonna hit. 

Bjorn

That's for six for damage. 

Jimmy

Okay. Uh. 

Bjorn

Then there's an eight to hit. 

Jimmy

That one's gonna miss. 

Speaker J

Okay. 

Bjorn

I took my two swings in. Yeah. 

Jimmy

So he took, uh. He took the. We're gonna say he took your sword into the side or your battle axe into the side. Um. Then, like, you know, into the ribs more than the guts. So, you know, he's still he's he's not feeling he he felt it. He didn't like it. He's still trying to run. But it is, uh, doubly Bobby's turn. 

Dobblebobble

Uh, well, we gotta go back to the to a classic. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go cast magic missile at his ass. 

Speaker E

Okay. Um. 

Dobblebobble

That's going to be five damage times 315. 

Jimmy

So, yeah, you're gonna, um, you're gonna pepper him up real nicely. Um, I'm going to say like one through each knee and. And one to chest area. All clean through and through. Um, and he has probably like one HP sitting there. He's like, uh uh uh, on his nonexistent knees. His now stumps. 

Dobblebobble

It's just a flesh wound. 

Jimmy

Um, then it's going to be back to the bandits. And they're the two that are near. You guys are totally, like, incapacitated. And the other guy is running for his life, and he is probably now like 120ft from you guys. So at this point, if you're unless you're going to chase him down, battle over. 

Dobblebobble

How far away? 

Speaker E

Battle over. 

Jimmy

Like 120ft. 

Dobblebobble

Oh, just because they can't hit him doesn't mean I couldn't. 

Jimmy

I mean, if you want to. 

Bjorn

While he's doing that, can I, uh, approach the dude that's on his stumps? 

Jimmy

Sure. 

Bjorn

I'm going to grab a fistful of his hair and yank his head back, and I'm going to scalp his ass with my dagger. 

Speaker G

Thank you. 

Dobblebobble

Embracing the creativity. Maddie. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Um. Roll me a survival. 

Speaker E

With pleasure. Eight. 

Jimmy

Yeah. You remember how I said he was Friar Tuck? Um. So you like. I don't know, you just got you got. You just gotta flap a scalp. Like, not no hair on it. It's just. Just like the top where his head was burned. Got singed scalp. 

Blouter

Just a layer of skin. Burnt skin. 

Bjorn

I'm going to turn it into a pouch for my gold. 

Blouter

You know, humans already have a pouch for gold. 

Jimmy

Y'all are terrible. 

Blouter

It was. It was an old Viking spell, man. They would, uh, they would take off the, uh, the sack of, uh, of an enemy, and they would fucking they would tan it and they would put a gold coin in there. 

Jimmy

And so round filters. 

Blouter

Just saying. 

Jimmy

Just just say it like they did it, you know, they took the ball. They took they took a man's coin purse and literally turned it into a coin purse. 

Blouter

That's why it's called a coin purse. 

Dobblebobble

Those damn jewels. 

Blouter

No, it's, uh, it was it's actually called a coin purse because they would use, uh, bull and sheep. I think it was bull, mostly, but. Yeah. 

Speaker E

Oh, okay. 

Jimmy

So yeah. Battle concluded. 

Speaker E

Oh, okay. 

Jimmy

No looting. Cool. 

Speaker E

Um, wait a minute. 

Blouter

They're going to have, like, two pieces of gold. 

Speaker E

Oh. Okay. 

Bjorn

We don't know that. 

Blouter

All the way. 

Dobblebobble

I sort of. Wait a minute. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Dobblebobble

I can't pull out of the bodies. Oh, I was going to ask, can I tell out of the three which one darted off the road when we saw him? 

Jimmy

No. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

That was the new guy, by the way. Like you're expecting him to have the good loot. You you don't send the old bucks out there to tie the rope off. 

Speaker E

I don't know. 

Dobblebobble

If it was. Our friendly merchant. Sun is up. 

Blouter

All right, so, yeah, I loot one of the bodies. 

Jimmy

Which one are you taking? Are you taking nubs? You taken two faced or are you taking charge remains? I'm. 

Blouter

I'm. I'm taking charred remains. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Blouter

For 300, please. Alex. 

Jimmy

Okay. Uh, Rollie, roll me an investigation. 

Blouter

Roll me and investigation. 

Bjorn

Well, he's doing that. I'm going to search the guy that I scalped. 

Jimmy

Okay? 

Dobblebobble

As well. I'll just roll an investigation. 

Blouter

The guy that you scalped is the guy that I'm fucking. No searching. 

Jimmy

No. You're taking charred remains. The the the thought. 

Blouter

Whatever. 

Jimmy

Okay, so, Bjorn, you find that your bandit had three gold pieces? 

Speaker E

Three. 

Blouter

I got Nate. 

Jimmy

Slaughter in the charred remains. You find, um, some charcoal. 

Speaker K

It noise. And. 

Speaker E

I don't know. 

Jimmy

Some some fiddly. What do you need for your spell components? Do you need anything like that can come out of can. 

Blouter

Can we just call it. Can we just call it spell components? 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Blouter

We got spell components. Yeah, sure. 

Speaker E

Thanks I. 

Blouter

Appreciate that. I didn't think we were actually actually keeping track of that. 

Jimmy

We kind of like I said, some of them like because some of them are like, literally like a diamond worth 10,000 gold, you know. Well, yeah. Like, I mean. 

Blouter

If I, if I see something like that, I'll let you know. But yeah, for the most part, it's all like charcoal or a feather. 

Jimmy

That's why I said charcoal and like. Right. 

Blouter

Right. And it's got to be burned in a brass brazier. Yeah, whatever. I'm casting a spell. God damn it. 

Speaker E

Ah. 

Jimmy

Uh, and, Ben, you got a two. You got a dose? Um. You got to face a. 

Dobblebobble

Heavy one, two. 

Jimmy

So with your two, you find in his pocket. A picture. Of. A youngish girl, I don't know, teenage teenage girl. Um, and I know on the back, um, reading along the lines of, you know, her wishing her brother well, and she hopes to see him again in the future. 

Dobblebobble

Um, I'll just tuck that right in my breast pocket. 

Bjorn

She can see him again in hell. 

Blouter

Shouldn't have been a thief. 

Jimmy

Damn. No remorse. 

Blouter

Tried to steal from me. None. No remorse at all. 

Jimmy

There's a dragon fucking changing the whole entire landscape. 

Speaker E

What does that. 

Blouter

Have to do with stealing from me? 

Jimmy

Fair point. Fair point. Um. So, yeah, I'm gonna say, uh. You continue on. Let me. 

Blouter

Roll for encounter number three. 

Speaker E

Yep. 

Bjorn

I'm going to look at blotter. Maybe like nobody ever listens to the dwarf. Why does nobody ever listen to the dwarf? 

Blouter

Because you're small in stature. 

Jimmy

And brains. 

Bjorn

At least I don't pee on the floor. 

Blouter

That got us out of a bad predicament, if you remember correctly. 

Bjorn

No killing. Everything got us out of the bad predicament. 

Blouter

Yeah, exactly what started the killing. 

Bjorn

I think me taking a swing at the rat Queen. 

Blouter

It was me peeing on the floor. Wizard always has a plan. 

Jimmy

Um, so as you guys are, you know, getting closer to, uh, vanderlyn. You see a merchant cart on the side of the road. Reads Barnaby's bizarre wares. 

Blouter

Bartleby's. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Blouter

Bartleby's bizarre. Where's. All right? Well, I'm going to be the first one up there, because that sounds right up my alley. This guy. 

Bjorn

I'm going to go up with them because there's something I'm interested in trying to get. 

Dobblebobble

As we're all going up to this, where's fellow. 

Blouter

Bartleby, I assume? 

Jimmy

Y yes, who might you be? 

Blouter

Blunter, good sir. 

Jimmy

Nice to meet you, Blatter. What what what what can I help you with? Have you? But obviously you've never been here before. So, uh, I have magical trinkets and perhaps some creatures if you're into that kind of thing. 

Blouter

I am, I am into all of those kinds of things. What do you have? 

Jimmy

Uh, I mean, take a look around. Is there anything specific you're looking for? Because, you know, I do have a mail order catalog right here. 

Speaker E

Well, what. 

Blouter

What am I buying here, Jim? Um, what do I got? 

Jimmy

I don't know, simple, simple. Magical items. Nothing. Maybe. Maybe something good. If you haggle, right? Type of thing. But like, more. We'll say. We'll say you have the possibility of pretty much all common magic items being in stock here. And possibly 1 or 2. Grass, which is blue level, right I think. 

Speaker E

Perfect. 

Bjorn

I would like a bag of holding. 

Jimmy

Oh. I see I have a discerning gentleman here. Uh, just give me one second, man. 

Bjorn

I already have it looked up, if you're curious. Yes, sure. So the bag of holding is an uncommon item, so it's worth between 101 to 500 gold pieces suggest a base price of 400 gold pieces for an uncommon magical item. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um. Let me just take a quick look at something. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I might have one of those lying around. He goes, he has, uh, filtering through, uh, like a sack on the counter, basically. And you just see him pulling all kinds of things out of the sack. Um. He was like, oh, there we go. And he pulls out a bag of holding. Um, not anything too large, but, you know, good size, fit a good meaty paw in there and out. No problems. Um, I could I could probably get rid of this for 300 gold piece. 

Bjorn

Deal. I hand him a pouch of 300 gold. 

Jimmy

He takes it, he puts it, you know, in a pouch on his waist. Anybody. Anybody else looking for anything? 

Blouter

Yeah. All right. I have three things that caught my mind. My my my I, uh. So first off, can I, uh. Does he have a cloak of billowing available? 

Jimmy

Um, probably seems like something right up his alley. 

Blouter

The cloak of billowing is the most inconsequential of Xanathar's guide to everything common magic items. It doesn't give any concrete endgame bonus. It's where can use the bonus action to make it billow dramatically. It's only magical ability. It doesn't affect stats, just aesthetics can contribute to role play and payoff if the DM allows it. 

Jimmy

Okay. Yeah, he has one of those, um. 

Speaker E

Hold on one. 

Jimmy

Second. Where to go? Just go now. Um. Uh, yeah, I can, uh, I could probably give you a cloak billowing. It's going to cost, like 50 gold piece. 

Speaker E

Hmm. 

Blouter

Let's put that to the side for now. What about that Wand of War mage that you have? Uh, and basically it says a Wand of War mage gives spellcaster something similar to a magical weapon. Uh, it grants a bonus to spell attack rolls. It's uncommon rarity. This gives the spells plus one to hit on their attack roll. 

Speaker E

Only one. 

Jimmy

Hit. 

Blouter

It gives a plus one to hit and lets spells ignore half cover. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't going, like, super hardcore. We're still pretty low level. 

Jimmy

Well, I know, I'm just like, that's. Yeah. That's fine. Um. Is it a green still? 

Blouter

It would be. Yeah. It's uncommon. 

Jimmy

Okay. Um, we'll say, we'll say I could, I could probably do that for 100 gold. 

Blouter

Okay. And then can we, uh, can we skin that to look like a staff? Okay. 

Jimmy

I mean, sure, and he just takes an ash pole from the back of his store and goes razzle dazzle and pops it in the top. 

Blouter

Whoa! 

Speaker E

I like it. 

Bjorn

Jim, I sent you a Facebook message. Uh. 

Jimmy

I don't have Facebook open right now. 

Blouter

I want to be sneaky. You can't be sneaky. We're all standing there. 

Bjorn

It's okay. 

Blouter

Can't be sneaky if we're all standing there. 

Bjorn

I have a sidebar conversation with the guy while you two are distracted. 

Blouter

Wizards are never distracted, my friend. 

Jimmy

Okay. I'm going to say. That's a good one. And it can actually be kind of strong. So we're going to go like that. We're. We're gonna go like that. 

Blouter

Uh, and then, uh, I noticed that he had a bag of beans over there, and I was wondering, uh, what he thought about those bag of beans. 

Jimmy

Uh, the beans I think you're referring to, sir. I don't know if he has said beans. Yeah. 

Speaker E

What? 

Blouter

Why wouldn't he have said beans? It seems right up his alley. 

Jimmy

Said beans might be highly dangerous. 

Blouter

Yeah. Uh. All right, so if he doesn't have said beans, then does he have a bottle of ever smoking or, uh, ever smoking bottle? 

Jimmy

Yeah, he can have one of those. You can have one of those. Um. 

Blouter

Actually not now. I don't even need that because of my pipe. I'm sorry. Straight up. Don't. Um, let me see one more. Where the fuck is it? What? 

Speaker E

On this side. 

Blouter

They got a javelin of lightning. That's pretty dope. Okay. So it's a it's a cloak of protection. Um, basically it just it it's not an armor class, but it gives a plus one to an armor class. 

Jimmy

Yeah, plus one to AC. Yeah. Um, is that a rare or common, though? 

Blouter

Excuse me. It doesn't actually say on here. 

Speaker E

Cloak of. 

Jimmy

Protection five. There it is. It must be searched pretty well. 

Blouter

It's right next to sending stones. 

Jimmy

So are the lines on it are blue, so it makes me think it's rare. 

Blouter

Okay. 

Jimmy

That's fine, I think because I mean, let me just do something else, like. 

Speaker E

Just just. 

Jimmy

No, they're all blue. Okay, okay. Um. Does it have a cost for that or no? Because it's actually. 

Blouter

No, not on what I'm on. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

Um. That one, that one's going to cost you a penny. That one's going to be like, I'm going to say probably 200 gold. 

Blouter

All right, so I tell you what. I love the staff. It's great. It's awesome. The, uh, the other cloak, the cloak of billowing. It's great. But if you could put that spell on this cloak, I'd happily pay you 350 for the whole lot and be done with it. 

Jimmy

Sure you want a plus one cloak of billowing. 

Blouter

Yes, that's what I want. 

Speaker E

Sure. 

Blouter

All right, so I got a plus one cloak and a plus one staff, and I'm out 350 bucks. Thank you. Sorry for the waste of time, guys. 

Jimmy

Um, Ben, did you do any shopping? 

Dobblebobble

Yeah. 

Speaker E

Okay. Hey, uh. 

Speaker H

I was wondering, you got a I got this old hat that I've had since I was pretty much born. I was pretty much born into the hat. I wonder you got a hat of disguise by chance? It's already a disguise for me. But I wouldn't mind the head of disguise. 

Blouter

Are you like a hermit crab? 

Dobblebobble

That's sort of like the thing. Yeah. 

Blouter

That's awesome. No. Now I'm just picturing you in there upside down, walking on your hands. 

Dobblebobble

Yeah, yeah, I'm just upside down here. 

Speaker E

Yeah. 

Blouter

You know what I mean? Like. Like your butt is the first thing that went into the hat, and now you're just like. 

Speaker E

Oh. 

Jimmy

Like crawling around on his hands and you're muted Maddie. Hands and knees. 

Bjorn

He's a quasi modo nome. She's got a big ol hump on his back. And he walks like this. 

Blouter

What is it? What is it? A hat of disguise. 

Dobblebobble

Yeah. So it just lets me cast disguise. 

Jimmy

Um. Okay. 

Blouter

So I'm broke. 

Jimmy

Now. I had to disguise, uh, you you just want to do what? Disguise self like, once, once or twice a day for free. 

Dobblebobble

I guess. I mean, it says it's good until the hat's removed. 

Jimmy

Uh, see? Okay. I mean, it's an actual item. 

Dobblebobble

Yeah. 

Blouter

Wait, but if you don't remove your hat. 

Dobblebobble

Like, it's just a disguise. 

Speaker E

This guy. 

Dobblebobble

I'm going to be the master of disguise. I'm going to be the master of disguise. 

Speaker E

Yeah, but. 

Blouter

You're always not going to look like your character now. 

Dobblebobble

I'll just have to remember. 

Speaker E

Okay. 

Jimmy

So you can use it at will. This guy sells that well. Oh, okay. Um. It is at will though, but it does end if it falls off. But if it's the same size hat that you're rocking right now, or slightly bigger. Um, yeah, we'll say 100 gold for it. We'll say 100 gold for it. 

Speaker H

Um, uh, could you do 75. 

Dobblebobble

As I tried to persuade him? 

Speaker E

Roll, sir. 

Dobblebobble

15. 15. 

Speaker L

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I. 

Jimmy

Guess I'll take 75 for it. 

Speaker H

You're a gentleman and a scholar. And a merchant, apparently. 

Jimmy

The little one. That's funny. 

Blouter

The little one is funny. 

Bjorn

That's why we keep him around. 

Speaker E

Um. 

Jimmy

Anything else? I'm good. Okay. 

Bjorn

Well as we right away. I, uh, right up next to border. So no long difficult couple of days. May I have a toke off your pipe, my kind sir? 

Blouter

You sure can. Uh, so I am going to, uh, pass that pipe over to him. 

Bjorn

Um, as Blatter hands me his pipe instead of, um, racing to take ahead of it, I take it in both hands and snap it in half. He said I'd find gentlemen like yourself should be smoking out of such puny things. 

Blouter

You are so lucky you followed that up with something nice. I was about to. 

Speaker H

Wreck you. 

Blouter

Bro. 

Bjorn

And, uh, as I say that, I reached into, um, the bag of holding on my waist, and I pull out, um, a magic pipe that I purchased, and I hand it to him. 

Blouter

Uh, may I ask what this is? 

Bjorn

Um, why don't you have your character do an Arcana check? 

Blouter

All right. Because my character is an idiot, and he'll probably fail it. 

Jimmy

Your wizard intelligence is your highest stat. How could you fail? 

Bjorn

Don't fail it. 

Blouter

Seen my rolls? Uh. All right. Yeah. I'm gonna do an Arcana check on it. 

Jimmy

What was it, a net one. He drops it and it breaks in half. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. 

Bjorn

I'll be going back and murder hobo in that fucking guy. 

Speaker E

It's okay. 

Jimmy

He he he does. Uh, he goes to look at it. Yeah, he he drops it and he sees on the bottom that it has a sticker that reads. 

Speaker M

Uh, this this this pipe. 

Jimmy

Never empties, and it always tastes fresh. 

Speaker E

Wait, what? 

Blouter

They had to cost you a pretty penny, Matthew. 

Bjorn

It did, but. 

Blouter

Well. Thanks, bud. You want to share it with me now? 

Bjorn

Yeah. So, uh, what I purchased from the, um, merchant guy was a magical pipe. Weed pipe? That's metal. That, um. Or. Hold on. Let me let me read what I asked an actual thing. 

Blouter

So did you make it up? 

Bjorn

I ask him for a metal pipe to smoke pipe weed out of one that never runs out and never needs to be repacked. 

Blouter

Nice. Thanks, bud. 

Jimmy

Um, I guess it doesn't have to be metal, but, you know. 

Bjorn

Well, I made it metal for a point. No more wax issues. 

Blouter

It was very nice of you, Matt. Uh, do you want to share it with me? 

Bjorn

I gave it to you. 

Blouter

All right. Would you like to share a pipe with me? 

Jimmy

Oh, yes. 

Blouter

Double bubble. Will you. 

Speaker E

Join? Oh. Of course. 

Blouter

Uh, yeah. So we passed that around, and I am going to. See here. Fucking didn't look it up, right? 

Bjorn

I was definitely waiting for a. What the fuck moment from Bill. 

Jimmy

He was waiting. He was waiting to see what what the full action was. 

Blouter

Yeah, I was, I was I was just gently looking up my spells like, just as a wizard. I was just going through my spell book. It's good. Um, how to. 

Bjorn

Splat the Barbarian. 

Blouter

So since we shared a pipe, uh, I'm going to ask, how much did you pay for that? 

Bjorn

Uh, 300 gold. 

Speaker I

Well. Okay. 

Blouter

All right. I am in your debt. My good sir. I am in your debt. 

Speaker E

Um. Holy shit. That's that one. 

Blouter

That's fucking priceless. Chim chim chim dying. 

Jimmy

Okay. So I'm going to say, uh, we're going to probably end session here and say you guys ride off into the sunset towards Vanderlyn, and we'll just pick it up with you guys getting back to Vanderlyn, uh, in the next time. 

Blouter

I know. I don't want to wait another week. I've been having fun with this. 

Dobblebobble

It's a great campaign. 

Blouter

Jimmy, you're doing a really good job with the DM lately. Very proud of you. A-plus work. 

Jimmy

I'm trying. 

Blouter

You still having fun with it? 

Jimmy

Yeah. Good. 

Blouter

Uh, what is next week? We, uh. Are we playing next week? 

Speaker N

Yeah, I don't think anything. 

Jimmy

Special next week. It's the 14th of December. Unless somebody's got something special on the 14th of December. 

Bjorn

It's, uh, Leon's birthday. So even though we're having their birthday party, um, Saturday, I'm going to spend time with Leon and Mel that night. Okay, so I will be a no go. 

Jimmy

Okay. 

Blouter

All right, then. The 21st is the following one and should be good. And the following one is the 28th. So yeah, it's not on holidays or anything. D and D sessions should be good. 

Speaker E

Love it. 

Blouter

Oh D and sessions should be good for until July 4th. 

Speaker E

What's the. 

Dobblebobble

February days? 

Jimmy

While it's in February. 

Bjorn

Uh, sex. 

Speaker E

Change. 

Blouter

First aid, 1520 second, 20. 

Dobblebobble

20. And for my birthday. 

Jimmy

Doing dad and a leap year on a Thursday. That's weird. That's gonna be weird. Yeah. Like, what's today's date? I don't fucking know anymore. Just just made up. 

Speaker E

It's just. 

Blouter

Made up. 

Jimmy

Uh uh, thanks for playing though, guys. 

Dobblebobble

Thank you guys. 

Bjorn

Peace, guys. 

Dobblebobble

Have a good day, boys. 

Blouter

Bye. 

Bjorn

Peace, love and chicken grease. 

Jimmy

All right. It's going to be it tonight, guys. I will be back. Tomorrow at. 

Speaker N

Eight. Uh, it's Friday, probably playing some more grounded with Bill. See how far they. How did they got? And the the file, I guess. So no mad people been playing that file now. Well, yeah, that's probably what's in store tomorrow. And unless he bails. Um. Yeah. Thanks for coming through with the likes. The shares. Definitely, definitely appreciate it. You guys have a great night and I'll see you all tomorrow.